It is not my job as a writer to tell you how to feel. I write now, today, because I can, because I have time, and because the topic intrigues me. I also think I am writing because I start class tomorrow and it is a new adventure with uncontrollable and unforeseeable results that drive me crazy. I long for control and I have no idea how my day will pan out, but, I can write, and I can obsess and I can think about a Clockwork Orange some more.
It was important for me to explore the topic because of the negative reaction the film received, also for the way I was warned not to watch it. Perhaps I took the viewing as a dare. Either way, it had to be done if I am a so-called Droogie and a Megadeth fan.
My reaction was different than I expected. I found myself giggling and hearing the typical “you really think this is funny” (I did the same when I saw the most horrific horror movie Inside the second time watching it). I started thinking about my Sexual Diversity studies classes and theorists sprang to mind. I woke today writing and rooting for my previous texts to find work of Irigaray, Butler, and Goux.
I am a feminist. I have written papers to deconstruct problematic text in length and on a deadline. Perhaps I miss this, I am not sure. However, writing about Clockwork Orange felt different for me. It was not done to be academic or precise. Just to hack out some interesting thoughts that resonate with me as a reader, film lover and heavy metal/Meagdeth fan.
There are many ways that this film is problematic. I don’t feel it to be my job, or role as a writer, that writes truly for self reflection, love, and connection to point out the flaws of the film, to describe how it is pornographic, sensationalist, exploitive of women, or of violence in our society.
Over all, the film causes me to think, to get out old texts, to read further reviews of the film. In fact, after writing what I did, I thought, what else is out there? Who else wrote on the phallus, power, and hegemonic masculinity in Clockwork Orange? These links are an excellent source for those who wish to take apart the film a little more. They also reveal to me that I was on the right track, and like my professors have previously told me, my thoughts just need to be worked out and taken apart a bit more.