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It's Just a Phase

I originally posted a Facebook status about coming out as a queer woman. I did this about a month ago, before Valentines Day. I felt this important to do because I was back with my best friend, who is a man. Being back with him, certain people wanted to talk to me again, after disappearing from my life when I came out queer.

The last year and a half of my life was spent being in a monogamous relationship with a woman. I loved her very much. Coming out with her, as my partner, was a big step for me.

More difficult was the initial coming out transition. This was when I needed people to talk to. I had my first crush on a woman, and also had my heart broken.

We cannot expect people to be supportive when they do not understand. I know this. But it does not help how hard a time it was for me initially.

Some people in the queer community were also judgemental, wanting me to explain what exactly I was: “gay, straight, or bisexual”. I found these labels limiting, but more so, learned the ways bisexuality is misunderstood and condoned by many.

The attraction to both genders is not promiscuous to me. In fact, I find a label that names desire for more than one gender to be discriminatory and limiting. There are more than two dichotomous genders. There are many ways to express an identity.

I am posting below my original status. I am blogging this as a thank you to all of the people that responded kindly, showing me support. The response was over whelming and reaffirmed my faith in human kind.

To those that have not yet come out, you are not alone.

When I came out as a queer woman certain people were no longer interested in me as a person. As if my “choices” were wrong and unspeakable; in certain cases not meant to be seen or talked about. A few people disappeared from my life. Now that I am back with my best friend, who happens to be a man, there’s a sudden interest in me and my life again. Me being with the love of my life, who has been my support and light through it all, does not erase my queerness. What is queerness? To me it is not identifying as gay or straight. It is a fluidity of self. Throughout my life I have tried to be the best advocate of equality I can possibly be. I am not the perfect feminist; I am imperfectly human, as we all are. I have a pre-Valentines wish to those who choose to not care about people they consider abnormal or unspeakable: if you’re not into equality, I’m just not that into you. And if you chose to label me, with an identity that comforts you, that didn’t work for me then and it doesn’t interest me now. And to everyone who has supported me, loved me, talked me through things, and accepted me through it all: I love you!! Thank you.

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