I wrote this in an email to a friend of mine this morning. He is a writer and my mentor. After the fact, I wrote a shortened version of yesterday’s events and blogged it. Bob told me that the original email read well and was very D.
So I will post it here because I suppose it is the closest thing to a recap you will ever get out of me unless I see you and tell you about it in person.
Being in the line up waiting to meet Dave Mustaine was the most humbling experience ever. It was in that moment that I realized how cocky and brazen I actually am. How could I give the man I idolized a white rose that actually had my blog site address on the card attached?
I saw that I was the only one carrying a rose and it made me self conscious. I was worried he would not accept it. I was worried I would look like an ass or that security would take it from me and not allow me to give it to him.
Earlier that afternoon I had bought him a funny card, it was a congratulatory card and it said something along the lines of ‘you came you saw you conquered’, inside, congratulations, ‘let’s have drinks, you buy’. There was a picture of beer after the caption. I wrote: “I prefer martinis. Joel is fine with beer”. Under that I wrote “you are the best. you always will be”.
I told him I was so excited to read his book and to go to his show. I added a little caption thanking him for writing the way he does and for not being sexist in songs and on stage. I mentioned that I gave him a copy of my version of “A Tout Le Monde” and that the reasoning behind the recording would be found on my website. I plugged my blog again, it would be found under “My Songs”.
That afternoon as well I wrote him a short letter explaining how I encountered the music industry trying to make it as a pop singer and how it disillusioned me. The letter went on to talk about heavy metal and the lasting and meaningful significance it has in my life. That what I studied in school was what I found in his lyrics; that him and Dio write songs that speak of women in a magical way; She Wolf (Megadeth) and Country Girl and Lady Evil (Dio).
I mentioned that rock has infuriated me in the past, Motley Crue and their use of a ‘titte cam’, had me leave their show in a rage. Megadeth shows are inclusive, I belong, and I feel good there.
I thanked him for doing what he does. and I signed my name along with Joel’s.
Joel and I discussed not giving the card. I had completely chickened out and felt that the rose with the little card on it would be enough. Joel actually said to me a couple of times “What have you got to lose?”
I knew I had a great partner. I told him I had a good husband in him and that I was lucky. Despite the ways I desecrate Dave in my own silly fiction, Joel understands and was there in the moment when I needed him.
He told me he would give Dave the card if I wouldn’t. I wasn’t too sure that was a good idea.
He walked in. I was freaking out. Men were letting out heavy metal roars expressing their love. I got giddy and stood on my tip toes. The guy behind me was screaming aggressively. He apologized to me. I told him not to apologize, I understood.
When we got to the front I saw that the people at Chapters were taking pictures with fan cameras so Joel and I gave them our camera. I was nervous because he really looked tired and a tad annoyed being there.
I went first (Joel and I went together) and Dave and I looked at each other and the recognition was absolutely there. It was sweet. I said “this is for you” as I passed him the rose. He said “I am blushing. Does it look like I am blushing? I am blushing” and his beautiful head of blondish red hair covered his face as he started to sign.
He asked me my name and I spelled it for him. He wrote “To Deanna! xo…” and when I saw that I said “aweee” or something about how sweet he was. He looked up at me again and I told him “it is so nice to meet you” and I shook his hand. He said “it is so nice to meet you” and got up out of his chair and hugged me. For a second I wanted to hold on. It was pretty amazing. Looking back I wish I dropped my umbrella so I could have gotten a better hold on him. It was that amazing.
Then I was like a child. The metamorphosis took place. A couple of people clapped and I was just plain silly.
Joel had his book there with him and the card and said “Deanna got this for you too but she is too nervous to give it to you”. He looked at us slightly perplexed but still touched. I was weak.
On the way down the stairs Joel asked if I would like to stick around for a bit. I said “no, it was too perfect just the way it was”. We walked down the stairs and down the levels of Chapters and by the time I got to the front doors I was in tears. We stopped for a minute so we could talk about it for a second or so and the guy that was behind me in the line said as he was leaving “you were hugged by a metal legend”. I said “I know, I cannot believe it. He is my idol”. He continued “I can’t wait for the show tomorrow. It’s going to be so great in the pit. I hope to see you tomorrow. I hope I get to see you tomorrow night”. I said something along the lines of me too.
I had earned the respect of a metal fan. In getting a hug from a metal legend I had earned the respect of a heavy metal fan. There are no fans as loyal with such fierce love.
I am still in awe. I don’t even know what to say about it. I almost feel bad for desecrating him as I did, but not really.
I lost the bit of fiction I had stored in my email draft folder. It was starting to get good. But I think now I can start over and make his likeness into something truly sacred and quirky.
I told my friend Dash about my dream the other morning. how he walked outside naked, all cocky but inside the cabin he was self conscious and vulnerable. he said it was my subconscious speaking to me telling me that he appears cocky on the outside, but on the inside he is self conscious and insecure.
I think he has a big heart.